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Reasons Autistic People Leave the Church

You’re in the zone, making your comfort waffles while jamming out to “Let the Flames Begin” by Paramore. In fact, you’d better set that one on repeat a few more times. Such a good song.


Breakfast is done, and you have time to boot up the Switch and progress through Persona 5. You’re going through the second Palace, absorbed in the visually pleasing adventure and uncovering Yusuke’s heart-wrenching story. There’s redemption. There’s justice. These enemies-turned-friends unmask the evil that was hidden so well and even praised by society.


Man, God. This is so cool. Thank You for making such awesome things and allowing me to partake in them.


Things are stirring in your soul.


9:30. Time to head out to church.


Church is a challenging time, but you love your Lord and you’re currently feeling on top of the world. The song is still playing in your head. The only thing that could make this better would be finding someone to share this joy with.


The building is crowded. It’s loud. You make your way into the auditorium as worship begins. Lights flash and instruments blare, shaking the ground with each drumbeat. Your head is throbbing and you’re losing feeling in your ears. You want to flee the building and recover for at least an hour. Push through it, you tell yourself. If it’s not bothering anyone else, it shouldn’t bother you.


Just


Listen to the comforting “Let the Flames Begin” still playing in your head


Remember that feeling of Yusuke awakening his Persona


And


Dissociate.


Painful as it was, you get through it. The pastor gets on stage and begins preaching about the importance of sharing the Gospel. All good and well. Then the message turns to idolatry and shaming people for spending time on anything else. Some of the worst offenders? Video games. Non-Christian music. Television. Only worldly idolators indulge in those things.


Doesn’t everyone know that God doesn’t care about anything besides the churchy stuff?


Service ends. People are congregating in the lobby. A smiley lady comes up to you with an obligatory, “How are you today?”


Hating small talk, you can’t help yourself and you get to the point. “I’m having a blast this weekend playing a new game called Persona 5. It’s an amazing story. I’m excited to get back to it.”


Her smile shrinks. “Oh… interesting. You mean like, all weekend? Seems like your time could be better spent. Maybe you could get rid of it and go out and tell someone about Jesus instead?”


You stare at her, incredulous. “I can’t just… get rid of it.”


“Why not? Sounds like an idol to me.”


“Well, it’s important to me. I’m autistic, you see.”


Eyes widened, she forcefully lays her hands on you and begins to pray. “Lord, I cast out this demon of autism in the name of Jesus!”


…Okay, this is only very partially my story and maybe a bit dramatic, but it’s only one example of what can be off-putting, to say the least, to autistic individuals who come to church sincerely seeking Jesus. Neurodivergent lifestyles, thought processes, and special interests get shamed, neurotypical expectations get forced on us, and in more unfortunate cases, people call autism demonic and try to exorcise it (which thankfully has not happened to me. Yet).


I’ve been very fortunate with my church experiences, which have been overwhelmingly positive. If I still came away with messages of shame that I pieced together myself, how much more so must that be the case for autistic Christians who haven’t been so lucky?


Let’s go through some reasons why autistics may leave faith communities, along with some alternative ideas.



1.  Indirect Neurodiversity Shaming


While it’s easy to judge things like gaming and binging shows as lazy and idolatrous, they can be extremely important to many and unique ways of experiencing God. Autistic and other neurodivergent people develop intense special interests that are crucial parts of their lives like food. Of course, anything has the potential to become problematic and idolatrous, but that limit will vary from one person to the next. It usually isn’t for one person to decide over another. Instead of shaming things they don’t like or understand, maybe it would be more helpful if pastors would consider the ways that all things can be done for the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31).


Example: “Video games are a waste of time,” “Anime is evil,” etc.


Instead, try: “Video games can be mentally stimulating for people. There are reasons why they’re so loved by many. God gifted people the skills to create these complex pieces of media. If someone can spend time gaming with a friend, why not Jesus too?”


“Anime is a Japanese art form of storytelling that captivates many viewers. It’s from a different culture, so I may not always understand it, and that’s okay. People don’t have to agree with everything they watch. Even Jesus used stories to help people learn.”


We make friends through shared interests. If our only interests are going to church and reading the Bible, we’ll never connect with another human outside of our Christian bubble.


2.  Sensory and Social Overwhelm


It can be uncomfortable for introverts to be in loud, crowded spaces where they’re expected to socialize. For many autistics, it can be a whole nightmare. With increased sensory sensitivities come amplified sounds, brightness levels, temperatures, scents, and touch. An easy thing that can help is giving out earplugs and sunglasses at the start of service (and creating a culture where it’s socially acceptable to wear them). Don’t force people to participate in greeting time or shake hands if they don’t want to. Make it known that it’s perfectly okay to step outside if needed. Let people move around and stim as long as it’s not harming themselves or others. I personally think it would be rad to have volunteers hanging out in quieter spaces and available to talk/pray with these folks if desired. It wouldn’t even necessarily have to be spiritual topics. Maybe they just want to make a friend and are looking for a non-chaotic opportunity.


Social expectations are a whole other boss level that can’t be solved overnight. We can’t change society ourselves, but we can start in our small communities. We can teach each other that it’s okay if people don’t respond in ways we expect. If someone doesn’t smile or make eye contact, don’t automatically assume you’ve been snubbed.


We’re supposed to love all of our neighbors, not just the ones who make us comfortable.

It starts with our internal thoughts. Instead of That person seems weird, try, There’s a whole world that I don’t know behind that person. They’re my sibling in Christ and probably have a really cool story. I should make an effort to get to know them beyond shallow pleasantries.

If someone seems overwhelmed in the moment, consider reaching out virtually if possible.


3.  Exclusion, Rejection, and Shallow Relationships


The one time I left a Christian community for reasons besides theology was because I felt excluded. It’s easy to ignore awkward people and choose not to invite them to hangouts. I’m absolutely guilty of this myself because it’s all I was ever taught growing up—something I continually need to repent of. It stands to reason, then, that said people probably won’t want to stick around in your community. They’ll likely seek it outside of the church.


But really, we’re not from Mars. It doesn’t have to be scary. Ask us about our interests. Invite us to things, even if we decline. Just knowing we were included and that our company was desired can go a long way. Though keep in mind—we’d like to be seen as equals, not charity cases or projects.


Many autistic people hate small talk and surface-level interactions. We want the real deal. Talk about what matters. Say what you really mean. We want to actually get to know you, and for you to actually get to know us. It shouldn’t be like that episode of SpongeBob where he’s trying to be “normal,” limiting his interactions to, “Hi, how are ya? Nice weather we’re having. Okay, see ya around.” Obviously, not every single interaction has to be a session of bleeding your soul out, but making an effort to go beneath the surface even a little can make a difference.


4.  Claiming Autism Is a Disease or Demonic


It still baffles my mind that this is even a thing, but I hear about it all the time. My dear, well-intentioned neurotypical reader, please refrain from the following:


  • Claiming that someone’s neurology is of the devil, is a disease, or is in any way in need of being cured

  • Grabbing people, laying your hands on them without permission, or praying for their “demons of autism” to be cast out

  • Infantilizing autistic people or presuming incompetence

  • Telling people they can overcome their personalities through Christ


As an exercise, try to imagine for a second that it was the other way around: being neurotypical wasn’t the norm and everyone was expected to be autistic, or something was wrong with you. You’re constantly called demon-possessed and told to repent of your entire being. Go ahead. Try to flip the switch. Do you know how to be anything else other than neurotypical/allistic? The only alternative is to play pretend every time you leave the house.


I understand that these things aren’t usually malicious, but please think about the consequences for the other person.


The Lord loves His creation. Different neurotypes are not demonic, but I’d argue that abuse towards them is. We all shine like different flavors of ice cream. A world with only strawberry sorbet would seriously bum me out.


5.  Dismissing and Oversimplifying Life’s Problems


The more I grow in faith, the more I’m irked by spiritual cliches and platitudes. “Just trust God!” they say about my crippling anxiety. “But God made you beautiful!” they say when I’m wrestling with rejection-sensitive dysphoria or body image. Or worse—“You’re just not praying enough or reading your Bible enough or believing hard enough” when I’m struggling with anything. Granted, this isn’t a common occurrence in my personal life, but it is in the lives of many others and I see it everywhere. It’s dismissive and, frankly, infantilizing. Anyone, autistic or not, who brings their heart to trusted counsel in the church should be taken seriously. Dive deep. Walk through it together. This is what Christian community does (Gal. 6:2).


Autistic people have to mask in all kinds of ways every day just to get by in this world. Church of all places should be a safe space to come and be real without feeling like a burden or an annoyance.


We also tend to overthink things. Let us overthink in a safe place.


6.  Pressure To Always Do More


Autistics, in general, tend to have lower energy tanks than their neurotypical peers. Just surviving the day can take everything out of us. From masking constantly to being pummeled by all the assaults on our senses, among other things, existing in a society not designed for us takes a toll. For many of us, coming home to our favorite show or book is like a charging station. Expecting the same amount of work from every person falls into ableism territory.


When church culture not only tells us our interests are pointless or sinful, but also that we’re never doing enough spiritually and that we need to keep going, going, going… it’s not realistic. The gas tank is already flashing E, and then many are told to get over it and do a bunch of devotionals when they get home and then go evangelize to someone and then go volunteer for a church event and then remember to wake up at 4 a.m. for more Bible reading. Burnout is inevitable, and that’s not good for anyone. Then comes shame that we’re failing God, which no one needs.


Instead, let’s emphasize that it’s not about doing more stuff (Eph 2:8-9). It’s about resting in the arms of the Savior and branching from there.


7.  Hateful Messaging


This goes for why people leave the church, not just autistics, but I’ll try to stay on topic. In many ways, it ties into some of the previous points, as claims of demonic autism and putting down autistic joys can certainly come across as hateful. I think this can be especially cutting for a lot of autistics, as many of us feel deeply and have passionate senses of justice. Autistic people are empathetic contrary to the stereotype, though there are always exceptions like with any other people group, and many feel for others extra deeply even if it doesn’t show outwardly. When we see our brothers and sisters being treated poorly, spoken about like they’re less than human, or even being full-on abused—all while the church cheers it on or covers it up—what are we to make of it? When someone tries to speak up and is ignored, shunned, made an enemy by this unrepentant church in a never-ending cycle… what sensible person would want to remain in such a community?


Yet, they still want community. They still love God. So they may seek another church. Same deal. This behavior from people isn’t what they know to be true of Christ, yet it’s everywhere they turn. It’s inescapable and they begin to wonder if they’re the one who has it wrong. What should they do in this cycle of spiritual gaslighting?


Church, we need to do so much better—for our neurodivergent and neurotypical siblings alike. If you’re like me and find visuals helpful, it’s like watching The Chosen. What made autistic-coded Matthew want to follow Jesus? What made him stick around? How can we make this indiscriminately loving Jesus accessible to all people—and keep it that way?

Instead of doubling down when called out, try humility and active listening. This doesn’t mean having a wishy-washy faith, but rather recognizing that you’re not always right and that you’re always learning.


I include myself on many of these things as well. We’re all human and a lot of it doesn’t come naturally. That’s the cool thing about growth.



Of course, this is just a few of many reasons why autistic Christians may leave the church. Church should feel like a family—a safe space in every sense—to do life together and seek the Lord in all kinds of ways. It shouldn’t feel like survival. It shouldn’t feel like a dreadful obligation. It shouldn’t feel like theater hiding behind a mask. There should never be an expectation of perfection, but all should feel welcome and valued.

 
 
 

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